How to Use Your Relationships As Mirrors For Self-Growth

In order for you to create your ideal romantic relationship, you must first realize that your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. 

We all carry around belief systems that shape our perspectives—literally the way in which we see the world around us. Just like our bodies need exercise, so do our perspectives. Stretching our belief systems and consciously choosing what we think and how we behave is part of becoming an awakened individual.

Now wouldn’t it be awesome if you could just read the above and say, “Okay, Em, I’m going to change my belief systems now,” and be done with it? Yeah. That’d be pretty sweet. However …

Shifting your belief systems and expanding your perspectives is a process. In fact, it’s a practice. 

And while there are many amazing exercises to help bring to the forefront of your consciousness the belief systems that are limiting your capacity for joy, abundance, and inner peace, I’m going to offer a tool here that I find to be the most effective.

The following exercise will help you to grow in your self-awareness, as well as facilitate more peaceful relationships with others in your life.  

Carve out at least 30 minutes to give this transformative process the attention it deserves. And be sure to use a pen and paper to facilitate stream of consciousness and allow for the natural flow of thoughts to be easily transcribed.

The exercise:

  • Write the names of four people you find bothersome, annoying, frustrating, or downright don’t like.
  • Beneath each name, list the qualities or actions of this individual that are so irritating to you. Try to come up with at least five qualities, if not more.
  • On a new piece of paper make two columns.
  • On the left column write a list of all 25 (or more) qualities you delineated. (If you find a similar quality written more than once, only write it down once but put a star next to it.)
  • Finally, on the right column, for each quality note a time, relationship, or circumstance in your life where you exhibited that quality.

This practice makes visible the invisible parts of yourself that keep you from true happiness and inner peace. 

Ultimately, the more vulnerable you’re willing to get with yourself during this exercise, the more your ego will humble and the more you will soften your judgments against others and yourself. And as the ego is checked and humbled, your perspective will shift from lack, fear, and dislike, to acceptance, forgiveness, and patience—qualities essential for creating a healthy, happy relationship.

When you’re creating a romantic relationship and shooting for awesomeness all around, you absolutely must be self-aware.

You must be able to look at another, see what bothers you and realize it is merely a reflection of the way you see yourself at some deep, invisible level.

On the same note, you also must be able to look at another, see what you adore, and realize that, too, is a reflection of how amazing you are.

You are a human with countless dimensions, and when you can use the world around you as a mirror, you’ll be able to gain insight into why you do what you do, and have the awareness to shift your reality to what you truly desire.

Our relationships and lives are a reflection of our many facets. And it’s up to us to take action on the lessons those reflections provide. 

Now I’d love to hear from you! What new aspect of yourself did you uncover while doing this exercise?

Comment below, and if you found this exercise useful, share it with others.